Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Landing Gear


Another new song from Ani. In the past, I always thought it was sort of cheesy for songwriters to write songs for babies, but I obviously have a different perspective now being a mother myself. This song can make me cry every time I hear it, because I can so relate to trying to make this world the best experience for my child, against all odds. Plus, this song reminds me of that expectant feeling that women have right before giving birth.
Landing Gear
by Ani DiFranco

you little bag of sugar
floating in your bias-sphere
summon the courage
to put down your landing gear
and come out here

'cuz i am as exhausted
as a drowning polar bear
swimming around
looking for a ride
and it's so god awful hot outside

you're kicking me in the rib
every time adam tells what he did
man creates woman he says
sweeping his hand through the air
like mister show biz

you're gonna love this world
if it's the last thing i do
the whole extravagant joke
topped in bitter sweet chocolate goo
for someone who ain't even here yet
look how much the world loves you
look how much the world loves you

candles are burning down
the music is fading
your pinata is torn
it is time to be born
yes, and death is at the door
peddling that old fashioned
blood and gore
here at the house of creation
cue the sobering moment
of revelation

you're gonna love this world
if it's the last thing i do
the whole extravagant joke
topped in bitter sweet chocolate goo
for someone who ain't even here yet
look how much the world loves you
look how much the world loves you

Friday, February 15, 2008

FWD: "Subject: : Man's Turn" aka "Happy Valentine's Day"

This is what my dad sent me for Valentine's Day. There was also an email that contained a couple of pictures of flowers and some bullshit words that I didn't pay much attention to because I know he sent the flowers email because he sent me this piece of shit.

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for
your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner,
shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.

Secretly...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no
special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in
their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed
to admit it. This is why a new holiday has been created.

March 20th is now officially 'Steak, Blow job & Shut the Fuck Up Day.'
Simple, effective and self-explanatory..this holiday has been created
so your ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love
him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town the name of the
holiday explains it all...just a steak, a BJ & shut your mouth for the
rest of the day! That's it!

This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak, Blow job & Shut the Fuck
Up Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT
much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a
perpetual love machine.

The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a
little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help
bring love and peace to this crazy world.


Oh, fuck off. Men have been using Valentine's Day as an excuse to get their steaks and bj's and the entire rest of the year is dedicated to shutting women the fuck up. I'm sure it goes way over my dad's head that sending me, his daughter, something like this is pretty *icky*. I'm glad I received this TODAY and not yesterday, seeing as though I did not get one valentine. My husband gifted me with the words Happy Valentine's Day and I got him a new candle and a little chocolate thing. Nothing much, just something from the dollar store. I got my son a Care Bear box with some chocolates, and I got his class little candy bracelets for him to give out. My son hand-made the cards for everyone in his class. He wrote "I [heart] You" for the girls, and "You Rock!" for the boys. Later on in the evening my son asked me "How come you didn't get any valentines?" Which was sweet of him to notice, I guess. My husband said that he was going to buy me something for $5, but then wondered if I was going to get mad that he didn't just give me the $5. Huh? I have to buy myself a valentine? I think that it was really laziness on his part because every other year he's gotten me a cute stuffed animal and I always enjoy that. He knows that, too. I don't prefer flowers that are going to die, I like getting live plants. I also happen to like stuffed animals. If I would have known he was flaking out on my thins year, I would have bought myself a plant. I still might. It's just not as fun as receiving it as a valentine. I don't care what it is, as long as it is not extravagant, I like getting something from my husband because at least he tried to be thoughtful (in the past). This Valentine's Day was a bummer because all the thinking he did was about me being mad at him for a lousy $5.

So, whatever. I'm gonna go buy myself a plant, and I'll like it. I'll like it much more than the retarded Valentine's Day email that my dumbass dad sent me.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

FWD: Continued....

Another email pushed on me by my dad. He sends me a lot of patriotic propaganda like this. Notice the misogyny in that the unpatriotic person in this story is an Iraqi woman.


HELL YEAH!

Love This Comeback

One of my sons serves in the military. He is still stateside, here in
California He called me yesterday to let me know how warm and welcoming
people were to him and his troops everywhere he goes, telling me how
people shake their hands and thank them for being willing to serve and
fight for not only our own freedoms , but ! so that others may have
them also.

But he also told me about an incident in the grocery store he stopped
at yesterday on his way home from the base. He said that ahead of
several people in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha.

He said when she got to the cashier she loudly remarked about the U.S.
flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her smock. The cashier reached up and
touched the pin, and said proudly, 'Yes, I always wear it and probably
always will.'

The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when she was going to
stop bombing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi.

A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward. Putting his arm
around my son's shoulders and nodding towards my son, he said in a calm
and gentle voice to the Iraqi woman:

'Lady, hundreds of thousands of men and women like this young man have
fought and died so that YOU could stand here, in MY country and accuse a
check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen. It is my belief that had
you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we wouldn't need to be
there today. But, hey, if you have now learned how to speak out so
loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way back
to Iraq so you can straighten out the mess in YOUR country that you are
obviously here in MY country to avoid.

' Everyone within hearing distance cheered!

IF YOU AGREE____ Pass this on to all your proud American friends.

I just did.


I've never been one to call this land "MY country" because I believe that a higher power owns this land. No matter what religion, even atheism, people believe that there were forces beyond human capabilities that formed this habitable rock we call Earth. Something Else made us. This forwarded email exposes men's double-standard between religion and patriotism. It's no doubt that the male in this story who stood up to the Wicked Iraqi Witch of The East was supposed to represent a red-blooded christian good ol' boy. This man, since his dialog was described as being in a "calm
and gentle voice," is supposed to be read as a church-goer if not christ-like. There's no need to mention any of that in this email, since it can be assumed with just a few select words in conjunction with Defending The Troops and American Freedom. So, in this email, we have a christ-like man standing up to the Wicked Muslim of The East who is obviously not speaking from her Place. Even though the christ-man says she has the freedom to speak as she does, he makes sure that she isn't allowed the freedom to speak by putting her back in her place. He verbally abuses her in a calm and gentle voice (he'll buy a ticket for her to go back where she belongs sounds an awful lot like sending african americans "back to where they came from") because that's what good ol' boys have to do make sure those uppity women don't get their heads swollen. Especially so if you're a woman who is from another country. This is so racist and so sexist it makes my head spin. It's hard to separate the racism and the sexism in this story. It's hard to separate racism and sexism in american culture...period.

I really hate getting these emails from my dad especially when he will concur that Bush is a disaster and that this war is a disaster. But he will perpetuate the rhetoric about supporting the troops and how americans have more freedom than any other humans on Earth. Well, mostly because he believes he has the right to have guns, and lots of them. But I don't. I am married to someone who used to have a non-violent felony, and even though it has been expunged (at a pretty penny) he still is not allowed to have a gun, and neither am I since I am married to him. He can purchase an antique black powder pistol or rifle, but if he is caught shooting it or in possession of it, then it can be taken from him and he can be charged with some bullshit. We already went over this very thoroughly with people who would have rather sold us a gun than not. You know those white male NRA types that want all the other white males to have arms to bear. Oh, I just realized how close NRA is to MRA. Anyway, my dad will always get sucked in by the patriotic rhetoric. And then he thinks that it's okay to push this kind of shit on me via email. Just when I thought I'd gotten away from his constant patriarchal voice, it comes right into my own home through the modern wonders of the internet. I had been just deleting anything he sends me, but it's been at least somewhat amusing critiquing these emails after being infuriated by them for so long.

Alla This

I got my Ani DiFranco Official Bootleg CD last night. I'm still jumping up and down, mostly because of this new song on it:

alla this

i will not stand immersed,
in this ultra violent curse
i won't let you make a tool of me
i will keep my mind and body free
bye bye minutiae
of the day to day drama,
i'm expanding exponentially,
i am consciousness without identity

i am many things,
made of everything,
but i will not be your bank roll
i won't idle in your drive-thru,
i won't watch your electric sideshow
i got way better places to go

i will maintain the truth
i knew naturally as a child
i won't forfeit my creativity,
to a world that's all laid out for me
i will look at everything around me
and i will vow to bear in mind
that all of this was just someone's idea
it could just as well be mine

i won't rent you my time
i won't sell you my brain
i won't pray to a male god
cuz that would be insane

and i can't support the troops,
cuz every last one of them's being duped,
and i will not rest a wink
until the women have regrouped

i am many things,
made of everything,
but i will not be your bank roll
i won't idle in your drive-thru
i won't watch your electric sideshow
i got way
better places to go.


I love how she's unapologetic in what she calls her "rant" songs.

Now, if she'd just stop supporting Kucinich. Or, tell Kucinich to stop making friends with pornographers!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

FWD: Fwd: FW: RE: FWD:

My dad has a bad bad habit. He will forward me all kinds of offensive emails as they come pouring in to him from his biker buddies and his construction pals. One woman that he used to work with in particular sends him some of the most misogynistic shit. I know if her name is anywhere on the email, I can expect to be pissed off. But, that's precisely why he forwards those emails to me, because she's woman, see? She can take a joke. (I'll fucken leave 'em.)

So, even though today is a mild day, I'm going to post those forwarded emails that he sent me today, and I just might make a habit out of posting them here as I get them. What I would love to do is reply to the emails with something like "Stop. Quit." along with select curse words. But, I'm going to side-step creating conflict with my dad (eh, there's enough already) over these emails by getting my frustration out here.

(my comments in bold)

Exhibit #1:

Think before you speak...

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.
I'm not ROTFLMAO yet.


SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls"
Score #2 for statements that men would love to hear.


THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.
"The boy grinned." Of course he did.


FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
"I mustered up the LAST OF MY DIGNITY..." Could that be because she was being demeaned last night and this was the LAST STRAW? This woman has just realized that her daughter saw her doing something and her daughter might try to mimic what she saw in play! NOT FUNNY.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No" .
I kept t hinking
"Oh Lord, that child ha s had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny
did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
Little boy's butts are so darn funny! HA! /sarcasm


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan
laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Silly woman anchor. Did you open your mouth and speak? / sarcasm (again)

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak
remember, if you're a woman, anything you say can be turned into a penis/balls joke at your expense!



Exhibit #2:
"New For Women"

This image speaks volumes to me. It speaks about the over-prescribing of anti-depressants. It also speaks about the way that women really feel all over the place, across the board. So what if we feel overworked and unappreciated. Just take a pill and get over it. That's what this image says to me.

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
Okay. I don't need a pill to feel that way.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!
Making fun of how some mothers really feel. Not Funny.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
This reads as violence against children to me

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
WTF? Not funny. Again.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
Another "laugh" at the expense of how women cow to what MEN WANT.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
This is for women?

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person.'
I didn't know that older women fell for such retarded lines. Whoever wrote this doesn't realize that the older a woman gets, the more radical she becomes. IOW, she isn't buying any "lines" from anyone.

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
OH! It's so funny I forgot to laugh!

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
Nope. What this kind of woman needs is something to give her support so she can LEAVE that sorry ass. Not put up with it.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
Alright. Kind of funny. But I can't help but feel that since this "medication" is aimed at women, that the joke relies on the fact that women feel cornered and harassed by men who think they are so important that they must pressure women into being "nice" and listening to them so that women feel that they need something other than the words "GO AWAY!" to defend this type of situation. hm.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.
Because it can get so tiresome to open my mouth! And, all I long for all day long is to nag and nag and nag. I'm a woman, aren't I?


Now, send these to any woman who needs a good laugh, and any man who can handle it.
"Man who can handle it"...?? This sentence is written backwards. It should read: "Now, send this to every MAN who needs a good laugh, and to any WOMAN who can handle it." Because I didn't find any of this really funny at all. I just found it to be just more foreground laughter at my expense. Like most of these "For Women" emails.


Well, that feels a little better....*sigh*.....

Hello Bonjour



It's so hard to find a quality video with quality audio of Micheal Franti & Spearhead's songs. So, I share this one. :) It's my favorite song to get up and shake it to. I am so grateful for music like this, and all of their other songs, it's hard not to feel happy to be alive!

Ganja Babe



This is a song that Franti says he wrote about his wife. How freakin' cute is that?