Thursday, June 19, 2014

Anger 1


I want to be able to say "Fuck You" again.  I'm not allowed to, for the sake of having any peace in my life.  It's a choice I've made, no one is holding me to this.  I feel stuck in my own choice, though.  

Once my prickly hairs have been soothed and the situation that made me upset is gone, I don't ever regret the words I said anymore.  Because I didn't say anything too foolish or angry.  

But those moments of pure red heat and fire in my eyes....I wish I could have some kind of better outlet than to stuff my feelings into my gut and bite on my lips.  My body shakes and my breathing becomes so shallow in those moments. Even though I want to be calm and let certain situations roll off my back, my body writhes and wriggles in anguish for how ever long it takes to calm down.  

I was never able to stand up to my dad when I was little.  I have always been curious, questioning and a little rebellious.  I've always wanted to question authority...especially if that authority was oppressive in any way.  I knew that my dad made my mom feel like she was inferior from the day I could remember stuff.  I never thought it was fair how their relationship panned out.  They never divorced, even though as an adult I would ask my mom questions that were meant to lead her to independence.  She didn't want to be alone and my dad had made sure my mom had zero self esteem.  

My mom used to stuff her anger into her gut and bite on her lips.  Then, she would stuff tons of sugar into her mouth to try to feel better.  Her pancreas couldn't take all the stress and sugar, so it turned on her and took her away from me.  Sigh.  I have a hard time not being angry with the person who made her life a living fucking hell: my dad.  

I really want to tell him to fuck off.  I really want to tell him how I feel.  But, what would become of us?  We probably wouldn't speak to each other ever again.  I'm not even sure if I would really care from where I'm at right now.  I just don't want to deal withy the trauma of having my dad try to justify any of what he did to my mom.  He never supported her, even though she was changing peoples lives, busting her ass, worked 3 jobs, and still making him dinner.  All he cared about was the fact that she didn't get off of work at a decent enough hour so she could feed him before 10pm.  What. The. Fuck.  My dad still begrudges that he had to do his own laundry and put up with a messy house because my mom was too fucking busy working her ass off to do household shit.

See.  This is where the rage comes from.  Not the issue that I thought I was mad about before I started writing this.  But, THIS. 

I will still try to forgive, somehow....because my body deserves peace.  Not for any one else.  For me.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Coming back to Life

Patience.  It's something that is absolutely required in order to really know me.  If someone wants to be around me, the most important quality that you must possess is Patience.
Anything that is truly worth while requires some time to unfold.  I honestly believe this and try to live by this mantra especially when times are challenging.
I've been through Hel and back...and sometimes I still want to write about my experiences....
Sometimes it just feels too overwhelming to try to find time for all the words I want to write.
I've come back to this space to write again....although I'm not so sure when I will have much time to write.  But what I do know is that I need to get some crap out of my head.  I've had so many voices in my head, influencing everything that I do and cutting down my self esteem.  It's time that I call out their names, identify who is manipulating me from within, and I need a safe space to do this in.
I welcome anyone else who needs to extract voices from their heads to join me.....let us learn how to be free again.
I will be back as soon as I can to write again......

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Queen Bea

Long live the Queen: Rest in peace, Bea Arthur

Bea

It is a sad day for fans of the incomparable Bea Arthur, who died of cancer Saturday. Arthur was revolutionary on so many fronts, on both stage and screen, bringing feminist issues like abortion and ageism to light while crushing gender stereotypes. She proved the snake eye, a commanding voice and a confident swagger were just as fit for the ladies as they were for the fellas. She played funny, smart and unrelenting sarcasm to a tee. She was one of a kind. She will be missed.


R.I.P. Bea. I can still hear your voice in my ears.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Cannabis and the Goddess

I thought that I'd share this excellent article in entirety today, in honor of 4/20. What this article does not explain is the origin of 420.....but this AlterNet article does. :)
===================================================

Marijuana and the Goddess

Holy pot has been smoked by Goddess worshippers since before history, and was first banned by those who sought to subjugate feminine spirituality


Part 5 of "When Smoke Gets in my I" a series on the history of cannabis and human consciousness.

In most ancient hunter-gatherer societies, women balanced the males' supply of game with their collected harvest from the surrounding wilderness. Women therefore became the first to learn the secrets of plants, and how they propagated themselves.

This knowledge led to the development of agriculture, and the evolution from the animal totems of the hunter-gatherers to images of the Great Mother, who with proper worship produced her abundant harvest in the same way that women produced children.

Cannabis is among humanity's oldest and most useful cultivated crops, and so it is not surprising to find that cannabis, in all its forms, has been intricately associated with Goddess worship in many cultures, throughout history.

Kali-Ma

The most ancient goddess still worshiped in the world today is the Indian Kali-Ma, the Mother of Life and Death. Her worship stretches back into pre-history, and is believed to predate that of her more well-known consort Shiva, the longest continually worshiped god on earth. Both Shiva and Kali are strongly associated with marijuana.

Kali is generally depicted with a girdle of human arms and a necklace of skulls, and represents the dark aspect of the goddess trinity of virgin-mother-crone. Both ancient and modern devotees of Kali partake of marijuana in various forms as a part of their worship.

Devotional ceremonies to Kali involve cannabis ingestion and ritual sex, which is directed at raising the Kundalini energy from the base of the spine up into the higher centres of the brain.



Other pot-goddesses

The worship of Kali, under various names, extended into the ancient Near East, and cannabis was also used by many of the worshippers of Kali's ancient world counterparts.

Kali is the Hindu counterpart of the ferocious and sensual Canaanite goddess Anath, (part of a similar trinity with Ashera and Astarte)who is also described with "attached heads to her back, girded hands to her waist."

In ancient Germany, marijuana was used in association with Freya, the slightly tamer Kali-like goddess of Love and Death.

Scythian Hempsters

It is generally accepted that it was the horseback-riding Scythians who spread the combination of cannabis and goddess worship throughout much of the ancient world.

Readers of part two in this series (CC#2) will remember that the Amazon-like Scythian women fought alongside their warrior mates, and that these "Hell's Angels" of the ancient world were known to have used cannabis in funeral rites, doing so in veneration of their own variation of the Goddess Mother of Life and Death, Rhea Krona.

Showing cannabis' strong ties with Scythian mythology, Rhea Krona came to reap her children in death with the scythe, an agricultural tool named for its Scythian origin, and originally designed for harvesting cannabis. This scythe image has survived through patriarchal times and into our modern day, with both Father Time and the Grim Reaper still carrying Rhea Krona's ancient hemp-harvesting tool.

The Tree of Life

In a cave where an ancient urn was found that had been used by the Scythians for burning marijuana, there was also a massive felt rug, which measured 5 by 7 metres. The carpet had a border frieze with a repeated pattern of a horseman approaching the Great Goddess, who holds the Tree of Life in one hand and raises the other in welcome.

Imagery of the Goddess and the Tree of Life is also found amongst other cultures with whom the Scythians came into contact. Readers of part three in this series (CC#5) will remember that the ancient Canaanites and also Hebrews paid particular reverence to the Near Eastern Goddess Ashera, whose cult was particularly focussed around the use of marijuana.

According to the Bible itself, the ancient worshippers of Ashera included wise King Solomon and other biblical kings, as well as their wives and the daughters of Jerusalem. The Old Testament prophets often chastised them for "offering up incense" to the Queen of Heaven.

Like the imagery on the Scythian carpet, icons dedicated to Ashera also have depictions of a "sacred-tree", most likely a reference to the cannabis that her followers grew and revered, using it as a sacrament, as a food and oil source, and also using the fibres in ritual weavings.


Eve: cultural hero

Among her other titles, Ashera was known as "the Goddess of the Tree of Life", "the Divine Lady of Eden" and "the Lady of the Serpent". Ashera was often depicted as a woman holding one or more serpents in her hands. It was Ashera's serpent who advised Eve to disobey the male god's command not to partake of the sacred tree.

The historical record shows that the Old Testament version of the myth of Eve, the serpent and the sacred tree was concocted as propaganda against pre-existing Goddess cults.

Originally, the outcome of the Eden myth was not tragic, but triumphant. The serpent brought wisdom, and after the magic fruit was eaten, Adam himself became a god. What was originally involved was probably a psychedelic sacrament, like the Elusian festival in Athens, in which the worshipper ate certain hallucinogenic foods and became one with the Mother Goddess Demeter.

Like the Tree of Life, the Tree of Knowledge was a symbol associated with the Goddess. The rites associated with her worship were designed to induce a consciousness open to the revelation of divine or mystical truths. In these rites cannabis and other magical plants were used, and women officiated as priestesses.

Roman Catholic Persecution

In early Christian times, the holy cannabis oil was ingested and used by many Gnostic Christian sects, in honour of the Queen of Heaven.

With the rise of one of the more harshly ascetic and anti-female Christian sects in Rome, and the subsequent development of the Roman Catholic Church, such groups were forced out of existence, along with most pagan religions and the cult of the Great Mother.

The new Church of Rome followed their Judaic predecessors in naming Eve (the representative of all women) the "Mother of Sin", as well as demonizing magical plants.

Their violent purges of Goddess worship and magical plant use persisted into medieval times. It has been estimated that over a million female practitioners of the older Goddess religions were burned as "witches" for utilizing cannabis, mandrake, belladonna and other plants in their "flying ointments".

Even medieval French heroine Joan of Arc was accused of using cannabis, mandrake and other plants in order to hear the voices which guided her, and this eventually led the church to commit her to the flames.


Marrying your Goddess

Similar to its use in the spiritual techniques of India, medieval European occult and alchemical masters used cannabis to aid in the "Marriage of the Sun and Moon" in the individual. The Sun and Moon represent the masculine and feminine aspects of the self.

Tantrik, Zoroastrian, Gnostic, Alchemical and occult literature all refer to "marrying your Goddess", which means connecting an individual's feminine and masculine aspects together into a unified force. This theme appears over and over again in medieval occult literature. Even the Gnostic Jesus states "when you make the male and female one and the same? then you will enter the kingdom." (Gospel of Thomas)

Much like the woman's liberation movement which has been taking place in our modern world, individual self completion requires a similar process to take place in our minds. The feminine aspect, or right cortex, becomes a full partner with the masculine aspect, or left cortex.
Marijuana use can greatly assist in this process. Is it any wonder then, that Shiva, the Lord of Bhang, was known as the god who was both man and woman? Or that the hashish eating Sufis, and later the American hippies, were both accused of being too feminine?

Love your mother

From the collected evidence it is clear that cannabis has been associated with worship of the Goddess since antiquity. Now, as we stand on the verge of a new millennia, in what seem to be the death throes of the patriarchy, it is as if the Goddess is once again reaching out her hand and offering her sacred Tree of Life to us in our time of collective need.

Like so many disobedient Eves, numerous female figures such as Elvy Mussika, Hilary Black, Mary Kane, Mountain Woman, The Holy Sisters of Hemp, Mama Indica, Brownie Mary and many others have decided to challenge the commandments of the male authorities and once again tempt us with the forbidden fruits of cannabis.

Indeed, it is likely not until we are once again free to enjoy all the sacred fruits of Mother Earth that the liberation of the feminine will fully take place, and we can restore Gaia, our planetary matriarch, back to health.

-|-

The androgynous nature of the human organism is re-emerging into consciousness in new ways that have evolved from past experience. We are learning to recognize and differentiate the opposites in our nature.

It makes no difference whether we call these opposites masculine and feminine, creative and receptive, knowledge and wisdom, competition and cooperation, explosion and implosion, or Logos and Eros. What is important, is that they be experienced in union as aspects of our own inner self. They are the self-renewing possibilities of our own individuality. Yoked together, they can fertilize each other to generate the creativity which is the potential of human beings.

The return of such female values as cooperation and forbearance is longed for in a world torn by war and threatened by nuclear disaster, poverty, disease and rape of the land. When the goddess of fertility is reunited with the god of consciousness, the renewed culture will have its conception.

? The Yoga of Androgyny, June Singer

-|-


Hymn To The Plants ? Rig Veda X.97.

Plants which as receptacles of light were born three ages before the Gods, I honour your myriad colors and your seven hundred natures.

A hundred, oh Mothers, are your natures and a thousand are your growths. May you of a hundred powers make whole what has been hurt.

Plants, as Mothers, as Goddesses, I address you. May I gain the energy, the light, the sustenance, your soul, you who are the human being.

Where the herbs are gathered together like kings in an assembly, there the doctor is called a sage, who destroys evil, and averts disease.

As they fell from Heaven, the plants said, "The living soul we pervade, that man will suffer no harm."

The Herbs which are in the kingdom of the Moon, manifold with a hundred eyes, I take you as the best of them, for the fulfillment of wishes, as peace to the heart.

The plants which are queens of the Soma, spread over all the Earth, generated by the Lord of Prayer, may your energies combine within this herb.

-|-

How women are like pot.

There are some biological oddities which link cannabis with humans, especially the females of our species.

First, certain active compounds of marijuana have molecular resemblance to the female hormone estrogen. Possibly it is due to this aspect of cannabis' genetic make-up that some growers have reported success with fertilizing their plants with birth control pills or menstrual fluid, the use of which as a ritual fertilizer goes back to the matriarchal period.

Of similar interest is that cannabis seeds contain rare gamma linoleic acid, found only in spirulina, two other rare seed oils, and human mother's milk. As the tribal people of the world have always shown an incredible intuition when it comes to right use of plants, it is interesting to note that the Sotho women of South Africa make a mealy pap from hempseed to wean their babies off breast milk.


Recommended Reading:

The Chalice & the Blade, by Riane Eisler
A History of Religious Ideas, by Mircea Eliade
Ishtar Rising, by Robert Anton Wilson
The Woman's Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets, by Barbara Walker
The Ritual Use of Cannabis Sativa: A Historical Ethnographic Survey, by WA Emboden (in Flesh of the Gods: The Ritual Use of Hallucinogens, Peter Furst, Ed)

Chris Bennet is the author of Green Gold: Marijuana in Magic and Religion, and the forthcoming Sex, Drugs and Violence in the Bible.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Joyful Girl Remix

[Having to do with specifically feeling this way today.]



joyful girl
i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to

everything i do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way
no, well o.k. then
don't cry

i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head
i know there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
when everything else seems unclear
i guess at least i know

i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to

words and music by Ani DiFranco

Friday, January 2, 2009

A Spade




a spade

i will not lie down
on the wrongful groundwork laid
while it's still a radical sound
just to call a spade a spade
dear friends, women and men
please check my math once more
in the totality of all war's history
there's but one common denominator

the answer is in the intention
that lies behind the question
put that on your standardized multiple choice
i mean, how's this supposed to look to me?
but half of divinity
out there trying to make harmony
with only one voice

you know, i've got experience
looking right past the obvious
and i know what is so big and so close
is always the hardest stuff
for us to reckon with
the hardest stuff to know
dear friends, especially the women
tell me are you up to the task
of turning the wheel of human history
at long last

the answer is in the intention
that lies behind the question
put that on your standardized multiple choice
i mean, how's this supposed to look to me?
but half of divinity
out there trying to make harmony
with only one voice

i will not lie down
on the wrongful groundwork laid
while it's still a radical sound
just to call a spade a spade
dear friends, women and men
what better time to face
that we've been looking for
the answer to war
in the wrong place

© 2006 ANI DIFRANCO righteous babe music / bmi

Monday, December 22, 2008

Free Hugs Campaign

I was fortunate enough to see Sick Puppies live the other night. From what I recall, the video footage of this was shot in Australia by the band members and friends (one of the band members worked near by where Juan Mann would operate the Free Hugs Campaign) but nothing was done with the footage until the band traveled to America for their debut. The band put together the footage to share with Juan Mann because he had befallen sad times, and the video took off on You Tube. I think it was my husband who showed me the video on You Tube a while back, but for some reason I had forgotten about this until I started looking up Sick Puppies after seeing them live the other night.



Sometimes, a hug is all what we need. Free hugs is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, A man whos sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their lives. In this age of social disconnectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal. As this symbol of human hope spread accross the city, police and officials ordered the Free Hugs campaign BANNED. What we then witness is the true spirit of humanity come together in what can only be described as awe inspiring. In the Spirit of the free hugs campaign, PASS THIS TO A FRIEND and HUG A STRANGER! After all, If you can reach just one person... Music by Sick Puppies. (Visit http://sickpuppies.net or http://myspace.com/sickpuppies or http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6001756456277237146 for the music) Free Hugs Campaign can be found at: www.myspace.com/freehugscampaign

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Andrea Dworkin Interview

I found these on youtube today. I never really went looking for any positive Dworkin related content on youtube due to the rampant misogyny on youtube....but some wonderful soul uploaded this interview! Thank you, jennaow! :)

1


2


3


4

Interview With Robert Jensen

About his book, Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity

1


2


3


4


5

...I Am The Soul That Lives Within....

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Law Of Attraction


I think that the big mistake in schools is trying to teach children anything, and by using fear as the basic motivation. Interest can produce learning on a scale to fear as a nuclear explosion to a firecracker. - Stanley Kubrick

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

See How Yes On 8 Campaign Really Feels About Parental Rights



Even after I've exposed the hypocrisy of the Yes On 8 campaign, people, women, are still insisting that they need to pass 8 to protect *our* children.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Ani Tease

I can't stop listening to this :)



...focus on the moon's groove
groove with the moon...

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Feelin' Alright




We’re feeling good, we’re feeling alright
We’re feeling good, we’re feeling alright

Well it’s about that time for us to look around and meet somebody new
Let’s all welcome in familiar faces, perhaps somebody who,
Has got a conflict in their life
Tell them you’re sorry, but there’s ways to change the wrong to right
See we can sit in a distant haze and watch rain clouds pour thoughts of greatness to help our troubles sail real far away.
Well it’s a struggle everyday we’re stressing, but what’s a life without dedication?
I’m trying to pick up the souls intention to soak in music relaxation

We’re feeling good, we’re feeling alright
We’re feeling good, we’re feeling alright

In a moment I’ll be on my way, to better days, while life is changing
And even though I’ve had my share of pain, I’ve been sympathizing and realizing
I’ve got a feeling that we can be a better friend
Simply complimenting every now and then
In the morning I wake up and miss the night before
Cuz I love the music more and more
See we can sit in a distant haze and watch rain clouds pour thoughts of greatness to help our troubles sail real far away
While it’s a struggle everyday we’re stressing, but what’s a life without dedication?
I’m trying to pick up the souls intention to soak in music relaxation

We’re feeling good, we’re feeling alright
We’re feeling good, we’re feeling alright

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Soundtrack

...and half of learning how to play
is learning what not to play
and she's learning the spaces she leaves
have their own things to say
then she's trying to sing just enough
so that the air around her moves
and make music like mercy
that gives what it is
and has nothing to prove

she crawls out on a limb
and begins to build her home
it's enough just to look around
to know she's not alone...
-Up Up Up, Ani DiFranco

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Pornography Happens To Women




Pornography plays a big part in normalizing the ways in which we are demeaned and attacked, in how humiliating and insulting us is made to look natural and inevitable.

...

And think about pornography as a new institution of social control, a democratic use of terrorism against all women, a way of saying publicly to every woman who walks down the street: avert your eyes (a sign of second-class citizenship), look down, bitch, because when you look up you're going to see a picture of yourself being hung, you're going to see your legs spread open. That is what you are going to see.

Andrea Dworkin
Pornography Happens to Women

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Herb Fields



Herb Fields (Dmin,A#,A)


Secret that my Mamma used to hide from me
I man must have been born in a Herb Field (x3)

Signs of how Babylon hard
They wanna stop INI now from grow I man Herb Farm
And even when a Natty growing fruits and herbs gwaan
I know the Babylon them a spray pesticide
Dem a try fi poison my meditation
So I’m feeling just a little bit under the weather
Cause I don’t have my marijuana (x3)

Secret that my Mamma used to hide from me
I man must have been born in a Herb Field

See a sign of how Babylon hard
Is like everywhere I go nowadays I seem to run up inna road block
And when you stopped by the cops you think of something clever yow
Cause ‘rude bwoy what you charge I for?”
So they took mi down to the station inna mi marina
So I'm feeling just a little bit under the weather
Cause I don’t have, I don’t have my marijuana(x3)

Mix:
Mi she mi haffi wait til Tuesday just fi give a judge a talk
Cause dem lock we up inna negril for a little herb stalk
And now incarcerated on the police station yard
Said I don’t know why they want to make the singer life so hard
Still I have to wait til Tuesday just to get a draw
Don’t know why they want profile I as a outlaw
But I’d rather be an outlaw than to bow to Babylon law (X2)
I got a little message for police commissioner
I wrote a detail letter to the legislator
There’s receptors in your brain for THC Jah man
So don’t you try and fight the herb from Jah land
Or else you end up end up you gone down in Babylon (x2)
When INI a hold a meditation
Cause the senseimilla a Just the healing of the Nation now.

Secret that my Mamma used to hide from me
I man must have been born in a Herb Field


I listen to a lot of reggae these days and this group, Rootz Underground, has got my attention. They sound old, but clearly they are pretty young.

I think it's interesting that the chorus of the songs is "secret that my momma used to hide from me" and the rest of the song is about the authorities (cops) criminalizing marijuana. Is this yet another example of young men blaming their moms for upholding the patriarchy? Another instance where mothers uphold patriarchal law in order to keep their children safe from the kind of system that has the capability to rip families to shreds? Mothers do what they need to do in order to ensure that they have their children in their lives and when the children grow up and see with open eyes they have the nerve to point fingers at their mothers who are between a rock and a hard place their entire lives.

I made a different choice in my life. My son isn't being lied to. We do not go into a different room to smoke marijuana because I am not about to feed into the lies that are propagated by the cops and the two-faced politicians about the effects of marijuana. Who are they to say that I can't safely medicate myself? I'd rather be a stoner who can function happily in society than to be a drunk who operates on a more violent and less functional level. Alcohol is "legal" in my culture, marijuana is not. I don't ever really wonder why my culture is more violent than not due to this fact. Cigarettes, which have been proven to have hundreds of toxic chemical additives in each little death stick, are legal, too. Yet, because we need to be protected from ourselves, we should not smoke marijuana because it could......well, it could get us into legal trouble. Only because of the legal system. It's the end here that justifies the means. Marijuana is less of a health issue than alcohol and cigarettes (no one has ever over-dosed on marijuana nor has ever died due to only smoking marijuana)....but we need to be protected from it, for some reason. Maybe because if the majority of the people smoked marijuana instead of drank alcohol, our culture might be happy and communities might get along and politicians would be in BIG trouble if the people bonded together so.

I've grown marijuana a couple of times through the years, and it's a really good feeling to be able to cultivate your own medication. As with all other herbs that serve to better our health, I believe that marijuana is not just an ordinary herb but an herb for the soul. We've heard of soul food, and soul food feels good and tastes good and is best enjoyed with loved ones. Well, marijuana is soul herbs. Marijuana doesn't antagonize urges to harm or degrade yourself or others. Marijuana makes people feel good. The only reason why so many people get paranoid is because of the legal system. The end justifying the means again. Take away the criminalization, and the people won't feel so PARANOID about feeling GOOD!

There is legislation that is going to be going through congress (again) sometime that is about to protect the states that have already voted for medical marijuana decriminalization laws. Since the feds keep busting into the states' scenes and raiding the the little herb shops for everything they've got, the activists and a few reasonable politicians have gotten together and created legislation that will serve to protect the growing number of people within those states. Since the legislations' creation in 2001, even more states have voted for medical marijuana laws to protect the people. This should be a sign for congress that this bill is not going to go away. It's going to keep coming back until it passes. This issue has grown to the point where politicians are going to start losing their jobs if they don't represent the people on this issue. People are starting to wake up and learn that all the supposed harms of marijuana have been lies for the most part and that marijuana can actually improve the quality of one's life.

I have a feeling that all it's going to take is for some old and outdated dudes to die off and make room for the up and coming generation to take the reins. My generation loves all kinds of drugs. A lot of us have gone through the experimental phases of our lives having felt like we'd been lied to about marijuana, we handled ourselves using pot, and so we went on experimenting with other more dangerous substances. Some of those more dangerous substances have even been legal. My generation has stumbled through addictions like rites of passage. What my generation has learned will translate into leaps and bounds of progressive politics for our future generations. My generations' children are going to rebel against conventional education because we are going to teach our children that they have to seek out the truth for themselves. You can't be alive today and not know that if you watch mainstream teevee you're being brainwashed. Even my son at 4 years old knew that commercials were made to make you want to buy things. He understood at a young age that everything he sees on teevee tries to make him feel a certain way. He would tell me that a certain commercial would make him feel like he wanted something instead of just saying to me that he wanted that something. I can imagine many mothers and fathers of my generation explaining how the teevee permeates the brain to their children because otherwise our children would never stop demanding that they want the crap they see on teevee.

All the signs of change are here. Awareness will take it's toll on outdated laws.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

International Women's Day



Organisations supporting IWD:

* Aurora Women's Network
* Feminist Peace Network
* IANSA Women’s Network
* ISIS Australia
* IWD Toronto Committee
* LeicestHERday Trust UK
* Revolutionary Assoc. of Women of Afghanistan (RAWA)
* UNIFEM and Women Watch (UN)
* UNESCO
* World Association of Girl Guides & Girl Scouts

Governments supporting IWD:

* Australian Government
* Australian Capital Territory Government, Australia
* Government of Alberta, Canada
* Government of Ontario, Canada
* Government of Saskatchewan, Canada
* New South Wales Goverment, Australia
* New Zealand Government
* Queensland Government, Australia
* United States Government
* Welsh Assembly Government, UK

Universities supporting IWD:

* Bethlehem University, Palestine
* Boise State University, Idaho, US
* La Trobe University, Bundoora, Australia
* London City & Islington College, UK
* Fordham University, New York
* Monash University, Australia
* University of Colarado, US
* University of Kansas, US
* University of Minnesota, US
* University of Vermont, US
* University of Western Sydney, Australia

Media groups
supporting IWD:

* Aljazeera TV, Doha, Qatar
* BBC, UK
* CNN, US
* Guardian Newspapers Ltd, UK
* Russia Today, Russia
* Women's Radio Fund, Vancouver, Canada


I got this list from the International Women's Day website, but I went through the media links and linked them to current articles being run on IWD, and if there were none, I deleted the link that the IWD website originally had up. Sure, there were old articles linked by IWD's website, but I think it's important for the media to continue coverage on IWD if they are to be considered as "supporters."



Prisoners observe IWD at Shandong Women's Prison in Jinan, Shandong province, China




Iraqi women celebrating in Baghdad



These are more current news article links about IWD:

The Post - ‘Another day dawns, let’s smile anew’
Speakers highlight the need to fight tendencies of woman fighting against a woman
...
Humaira Awais Shahid underlined the importance of family as the inherent unit of any society, hence the women must work to change the medieval mindset of the males, be that their father, brother, son or husband. "We must all be united to fight off tendencies of woman fighting against a woman, a mother-in-law with her daughter-in-law, sisters to sisters to sisters-in-laws," she said, emphasising that what must be protected and discouraged 'continues to remain an open battle, enjoyed by the males.'


The Post - 2008 dedicated to ‘Benazir Bhutto’ | PPP Women's Wing observes World Women’s Day

VOA News - Rallies, Celebrations Mark International Women's Day
Celebrated on March 8, International Women's Day is the global day recognizing all women around the world and intended to inspire them to achieve their full potential. In many countries it is an official holiday.


QCI Observer - International Women's Day 2008: Strong Women, Strong World
Strong women mean a strong world. That's something we all deserve.


The Canadian Press - Young, old: over 1,000 Afghan women mark International Women's Day in Kandahar

Haaretz & Associated Press - Israel marks Int'l Women's Day with music, drama and art

I'm not going to bother with that Fox Business article about how IWD is "Code for 'Advancing Radical Feminism Around the Globe." Leave it to the king of misogyny to put out one of the only articles against International Women's Day. Oh, I'm sure I could find more anti-IWD articles if I really wanted to get irritated with MRA-types.

Not today.

I'm honoring today with a good mood. :)



Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Landing Gear


Another new song from Ani. In the past, I always thought it was sort of cheesy for songwriters to write songs for babies, but I obviously have a different perspective now being a mother myself. This song can make me cry every time I hear it, because I can so relate to trying to make this world the best experience for my child, against all odds. Plus, this song reminds me of that expectant feeling that women have right before giving birth.
Landing Gear
by Ani DiFranco

you little bag of sugar
floating in your bias-sphere
summon the courage
to put down your landing gear
and come out here

'cuz i am as exhausted
as a drowning polar bear
swimming around
looking for a ride
and it's so god awful hot outside

you're kicking me in the rib
every time adam tells what he did
man creates woman he says
sweeping his hand through the air
like mister show biz

you're gonna love this world
if it's the last thing i do
the whole extravagant joke
topped in bitter sweet chocolate goo
for someone who ain't even here yet
look how much the world loves you
look how much the world loves you

candles are burning down
the music is fading
your pinata is torn
it is time to be born
yes, and death is at the door
peddling that old fashioned
blood and gore
here at the house of creation
cue the sobering moment
of revelation

you're gonna love this world
if it's the last thing i do
the whole extravagant joke
topped in bitter sweet chocolate goo
for someone who ain't even here yet
look how much the world loves you
look how much the world loves you

Friday, February 15, 2008

FWD: "Subject: : Man's Turn" aka "Happy Valentine's Day"

This is what my dad sent me for Valentine's Day. There was also an email that contained a couple of pictures of flowers and some bullshit words that I didn't pay much attention to because I know he sent the flowers email because he sent me this piece of shit.

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for
your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner,
shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.

Secretly...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no
special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in
their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed
to admit it. This is why a new holiday has been created.

March 20th is now officially 'Steak, Blow job & Shut the Fuck Up Day.'
Simple, effective and self-explanatory..this holiday has been created
so your ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love
him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town the name of the
holiday explains it all...just a steak, a BJ & shut your mouth for the
rest of the day! That's it!

This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak, Blow job & Shut the Fuck
Up Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT
much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a
perpetual love machine.

The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a
little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help
bring love and peace to this crazy world.


Oh, fuck off. Men have been using Valentine's Day as an excuse to get their steaks and bj's and the entire rest of the year is dedicated to shutting women the fuck up. I'm sure it goes way over my dad's head that sending me, his daughter, something like this is pretty *icky*. I'm glad I received this TODAY and not yesterday, seeing as though I did not get one valentine. My husband gifted me with the words Happy Valentine's Day and I got him a new candle and a little chocolate thing. Nothing much, just something from the dollar store. I got my son a Care Bear box with some chocolates, and I got his class little candy bracelets for him to give out. My son hand-made the cards for everyone in his class. He wrote "I [heart] You" for the girls, and "You Rock!" for the boys. Later on in the evening my son asked me "How come you didn't get any valentines?" Which was sweet of him to notice, I guess. My husband said that he was going to buy me something for $5, but then wondered if I was going to get mad that he didn't just give me the $5. Huh? I have to buy myself a valentine? I think that it was really laziness on his part because every other year he's gotten me a cute stuffed animal and I always enjoy that. He knows that, too. I don't prefer flowers that are going to die, I like getting live plants. I also happen to like stuffed animals. If I would have known he was flaking out on my thins year, I would have bought myself a plant. I still might. It's just not as fun as receiving it as a valentine. I don't care what it is, as long as it is not extravagant, I like getting something from my husband because at least he tried to be thoughtful (in the past). This Valentine's Day was a bummer because all the thinking he did was about me being mad at him for a lousy $5.

So, whatever. I'm gonna go buy myself a plant, and I'll like it. I'll like it much more than the retarded Valentine's Day email that my dumbass dad sent me.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

FWD: Continued....

Another email pushed on me by my dad. He sends me a lot of patriotic propaganda like this. Notice the misogyny in that the unpatriotic person in this story is an Iraqi woman.


HELL YEAH!

Love This Comeback

One of my sons serves in the military. He is still stateside, here in
California He called me yesterday to let me know how warm and welcoming
people were to him and his troops everywhere he goes, telling me how
people shake their hands and thank them for being willing to serve and
fight for not only our own freedoms , but ! so that others may have
them also.

But he also told me about an incident in the grocery store he stopped
at yesterday on his way home from the base. He said that ahead of
several people in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha.

He said when she got to the cashier she loudly remarked about the U.S.
flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her smock. The cashier reached up and
touched the pin, and said proudly, 'Yes, I always wear it and probably
always will.'

The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when she was going to
stop bombing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi.

A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward. Putting his arm
around my son's shoulders and nodding towards my son, he said in a calm
and gentle voice to the Iraqi woman:

'Lady, hundreds of thousands of men and women like this young man have
fought and died so that YOU could stand here, in MY country and accuse a
check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen. It is my belief that had
you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we wouldn't need to be
there today. But, hey, if you have now learned how to speak out so
loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way back
to Iraq so you can straighten out the mess in YOUR country that you are
obviously here in MY country to avoid.

' Everyone within hearing distance cheered!

IF YOU AGREE____ Pass this on to all your proud American friends.

I just did.


I've never been one to call this land "MY country" because I believe that a higher power owns this land. No matter what religion, even atheism, people believe that there were forces beyond human capabilities that formed this habitable rock we call Earth. Something Else made us. This forwarded email exposes men's double-standard between religion and patriotism. It's no doubt that the male in this story who stood up to the Wicked Iraqi Witch of The East was supposed to represent a red-blooded christian good ol' boy. This man, since his dialog was described as being in a "calm
and gentle voice," is supposed to be read as a church-goer if not christ-like. There's no need to mention any of that in this email, since it can be assumed with just a few select words in conjunction with Defending The Troops and American Freedom. So, in this email, we have a christ-like man standing up to the Wicked Muslim of The East who is obviously not speaking from her Place. Even though the christ-man says she has the freedom to speak as she does, he makes sure that she isn't allowed the freedom to speak by putting her back in her place. He verbally abuses her in a calm and gentle voice (he'll buy a ticket for her to go back where she belongs sounds an awful lot like sending african americans "back to where they came from") because that's what good ol' boys have to do make sure those uppity women don't get their heads swollen. Especially so if you're a woman who is from another country. This is so racist and so sexist it makes my head spin. It's hard to separate the racism and the sexism in this story. It's hard to separate racism and sexism in american culture...period.

I really hate getting these emails from my dad especially when he will concur that Bush is a disaster and that this war is a disaster. But he will perpetuate the rhetoric about supporting the troops and how americans have more freedom than any other humans on Earth. Well, mostly because he believes he has the right to have guns, and lots of them. But I don't. I am married to someone who used to have a non-violent felony, and even though it has been expunged (at a pretty penny) he still is not allowed to have a gun, and neither am I since I am married to him. He can purchase an antique black powder pistol or rifle, but if he is caught shooting it or in possession of it, then it can be taken from him and he can be charged with some bullshit. We already went over this very thoroughly with people who would have rather sold us a gun than not. You know those white male NRA types that want all the other white males to have arms to bear. Oh, I just realized how close NRA is to MRA. Anyway, my dad will always get sucked in by the patriotic rhetoric. And then he thinks that it's okay to push this kind of shit on me via email. Just when I thought I'd gotten away from his constant patriarchal voice, it comes right into my own home through the modern wonders of the internet. I had been just deleting anything he sends me, but it's been at least somewhat amusing critiquing these emails after being infuriated by them for so long.

Alla This

I got my Ani DiFranco Official Bootleg CD last night. I'm still jumping up and down, mostly because of this new song on it:

alla this

i will not stand immersed,
in this ultra violent curse
i won't let you make a tool of me
i will keep my mind and body free
bye bye minutiae
of the day to day drama,
i'm expanding exponentially,
i am consciousness without identity

i am many things,
made of everything,
but i will not be your bank roll
i won't idle in your drive-thru,
i won't watch your electric sideshow
i got way better places to go

i will maintain the truth
i knew naturally as a child
i won't forfeit my creativity,
to a world that's all laid out for me
i will look at everything around me
and i will vow to bear in mind
that all of this was just someone's idea
it could just as well be mine

i won't rent you my time
i won't sell you my brain
i won't pray to a male god
cuz that would be insane

and i can't support the troops,
cuz every last one of them's being duped,
and i will not rest a wink
until the women have regrouped

i am many things,
made of everything,
but i will not be your bank roll
i won't idle in your drive-thru
i won't watch your electric sideshow
i got way
better places to go.


I love how she's unapologetic in what she calls her "rant" songs.

Now, if she'd just stop supporting Kucinich. Or, tell Kucinich to stop making friends with pornographers!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

FWD: Fwd: FW: RE: FWD:

My dad has a bad bad habit. He will forward me all kinds of offensive emails as they come pouring in to him from his biker buddies and his construction pals. One woman that he used to work with in particular sends him some of the most misogynistic shit. I know if her name is anywhere on the email, I can expect to be pissed off. But, that's precisely why he forwards those emails to me, because she's woman, see? She can take a joke. (I'll fucken leave 'em.)

So, even though today is a mild day, I'm going to post those forwarded emails that he sent me today, and I just might make a habit out of posting them here as I get them. What I would love to do is reply to the emails with something like "Stop. Quit." along with select curse words. But, I'm going to side-step creating conflict with my dad (eh, there's enough already) over these emails by getting my frustration out here.

(my comments in bold)

Exhibit #1:

Think before you speak...

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.
I'm not ROTFLMAO yet.


SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls"
Score #2 for statements that men would love to hear.


THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.
"The boy grinned." Of course he did.


FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
"I mustered up the LAST OF MY DIGNITY..." Could that be because she was being demeaned last night and this was the LAST STRAW? This woman has just realized that her daughter saw her doing something and her daughter might try to mimic what she saw in play! NOT FUNNY.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No" .
I kept t hinking
"Oh Lord, that child ha s had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny
did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
Little boy's butts are so darn funny! HA! /sarcasm


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan
laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Silly woman anchor. Did you open your mouth and speak? / sarcasm (again)

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak
remember, if you're a woman, anything you say can be turned into a penis/balls joke at your expense!



Exhibit #2:
"New For Women"

This image speaks volumes to me. It speaks about the over-prescribing of anti-depressants. It also speaks about the way that women really feel all over the place, across the board. So what if we feel overworked and unappreciated. Just take a pill and get over it. That's what this image says to me.

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
Okay. I don't need a pill to feel that way.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!
Making fun of how some mothers really feel. Not Funny.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
This reads as violence against children to me

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
WTF? Not funny. Again.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
Another "laugh" at the expense of how women cow to what MEN WANT.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
This is for women?

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person.'
I didn't know that older women fell for such retarded lines. Whoever wrote this doesn't realize that the older a woman gets, the more radical she becomes. IOW, she isn't buying any "lines" from anyone.

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
OH! It's so funny I forgot to laugh!

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
Nope. What this kind of woman needs is something to give her support so she can LEAVE that sorry ass. Not put up with it.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
Alright. Kind of funny. But I can't help but feel that since this "medication" is aimed at women, that the joke relies on the fact that women feel cornered and harassed by men who think they are so important that they must pressure women into being "nice" and listening to them so that women feel that they need something other than the words "GO AWAY!" to defend this type of situation. hm.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.
Because it can get so tiresome to open my mouth! And, all I long for all day long is to nag and nag and nag. I'm a woman, aren't I?


Now, send these to any woman who needs a good laugh, and any man who can handle it.
"Man who can handle it"...?? This sentence is written backwards. It should read: "Now, send this to every MAN who needs a good laugh, and to any WOMAN who can handle it." Because I didn't find any of this really funny at all. I just found it to be just more foreground laughter at my expense. Like most of these "For Women" emails.


Well, that feels a little better....*sigh*.....

Hello Bonjour



It's so hard to find a quality video with quality audio of Micheal Franti & Spearhead's songs. So, I share this one. :) It's my favorite song to get up and shake it to. I am so grateful for music like this, and all of their other songs, it's hard not to feel happy to be alive!

Ganja Babe



This is a song that Franti says he wrote about his wife. How freakin' cute is that?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Half-Assed



you start trippin
and i start slippin away
i was taught to zip it
if i got nothin nice to say
and down in the texas of my heart
driving a really big truck
headed down a dirt road
my love is scrunchin up its features
the really big eyes
big lips, big nose

just show me a moment that is mine
its beauty blinding and unsurpassed
make me forget every moment that went by
and left me so half-hearted
cuz i felt it so half-assed

you are an unruly translucent
a dirty windshield with a shifting view
so many cunning running landscapes
for my dented door to open into
i just wanna tune out all the billboards
weld myself a mental shield
i just wanna put down all the pressures
and feel how i really feel

just show me a moment that is mine
its beauty blinding and unsurpassed
make me forget every moment that went by
and left me so half-hearted
cuz i felt it so half-assed

spring is super in the supermarkets
and the strawberries prance and glow
never mind that they're all kinda tart and tasteless
as strawberries go
meanwhile wild things are not for sale
anymore than they are for show
so i'll be outside, in love with the kind of beauty
it takes more than eyes to know

just show me a moment that is mine
its beauty blinding and unsurpassed
and i'll forget every moment that went by
and left me so half-hearted
cuz i felt it so half-assed



© 2006 ani difranco righteous babe music / bmi

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

I Am Constance

http://www.iamconstance.org/



http://www.iamconstance.org/

I am Constance and this is my story…

I was a typical 13-year old girl in my small and poor village. My life was filled with helping my mother and siblings, doing chores, and spending free time with my friends. Lucky to be in school, my time was also spent doing homework for the simple education I was getting.

One day, at the market, I noticed a man in elegant clothes talking to some friends of mine. I was curious; why was a man of such elegance in our little village, and why he was talking to my friends? As I waited for the lady to give me my change, I became aware that I was staring at him. I was shocked when I realized that he was walking towards me. He introduced himself as a factory owner and he was looking for young women to work for him in the city. He mentioned that the women working for him loved what they were doing and made a lot of money doing it. I was very interested in what this man was saying. He ended his proposal by telling me that he was leaving in two days to begin training his factory recruits and if I didn't accept, I would be passing up a chance of a lifetime.

I went home and asked my mother what she thought about the proposal. She didn't seem to like the idea at first but when she realized that the money I would be sending her would be a great help, she gave me her blessing. The next day, I said my goodbyes and I packed up the few things I had and waited for the night to pass. I was ready for my new life.

The next morning, a van pulled up to my home and I was escorted in. I was alone with three large men. There were no windows and we sat in silence. I finally got the strength to ask my boss where I was going to stay and what kind of factory I would be working at. He didn't answer me and just turned the radio on. I became scared, but remained silent.

After a while, the van stopped. I was escorted into another van with a large, impatient driver. My boss followed me into the van and spoke with the driver. He said he would be followed to the motel and that he had an hour to do what he had to do. The driver gave my boss a roll of what seemed like American money and shook his hand. My boss counted the money and told him to enjoy. I don't know why, but I felt numb all over.
My boss got out of the van and waived the man and me goodbye. We drove in silence before he pulled into a motel parking lot. He walked me up some stairs and led me into a room. I was terrified because I knew he was about to harm me in the worst way. He began to touch me and started to unbutton my blouse. I slapped his hand and ran towards the door. The door was locked. I could not get out. I started to fight him off. I kicked, I punched, I scratched, I cried, and I screamed, but his strength was greater than mine. He slapped me and dragged me by the hair to the bed. He tore my clothes and covered my mouth as he began to rape me. I felt so much pain. With every move of his body, the pain grew. I was crying and screaming, but it did not seem to bother him. My entire body felt numb and the sweat flowed down from the man's forehead and onto my face. I felt so hurt, so dirty, so helpless, so betrayed…I wanted to run far away, far enough to escape what was happening. Once he got off of me, I noticed blood all over the bed and on him. I leaned to one side and vomited on the motel floor. I couldn't stop shaking. He told me it wasn't that bad, and that I would eventually get used to it. I hated him so much, but I hated my boss even more. I wanted to kill them both.

The man finally opened the door and I ran out. My boss was waiting outside the door and grabbed me. I tried fighting him off but I didn't realize I was so very weak. He threw me back into the van. I couldn't stop crying. I asked him why he lied and why he would allow something like this to happen. As I waited for a response, all he said was, "You'll get used to it."

In the days that followed, I tried "getting used to it". I tried to stop feeling. I tried to convince myself that I hadn't done something to deserve this. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't going to die here in this place. And I tried to convince myself that God had not forgotten about me.

They send me off with different men most of the day and most of the night. The men don't ever really talk to me. They don't care that they are hurting me. And they don't care that they are killing me.

Some of the men have cameras and they take pictures of me even though I'm not smiling. Some of them bring video cameras and they film all of the horrible things that they make me do and that they do to me. I want to ask them, "When you watch this will you ignore the part where I'm crying? Will you fast-forward, rewind; edit the parts when I'm not? Or maybe they won't even show my face?"

And who else is going to watch it? Why would they want to? And why wouldn't they come help me if they saw…

______________________________________
this is the link to the artist who created a song for Constance:
http://www.mrjmedeiros.com/

Wonder Woman comic gets first female on-going writer

Wonder Woman Gets a New Voice, and It's Female

Chris Pietsch for The New York Times

Gail Simone in a comic-book store in Eugene, Ore., near where she lives. More Photos >

Published: November 27, 2007

"I was a hairdresser until a couple of years ago," Gail Simone said. "It took me a long time to admit that I was a professional writer."

Ms. Simone was talking about her rise from hairstylist to online commentator to professional comic-book author. This month she added a new title. With the publication of issue No. 14 of Wonder Woman, which hit stores two weeks ago, Ms. Simone has become the regular writer of that amazing Amazon's super-adventures, published by DC Comics. She is the first woman to serve as "ongoing writer" (to use the industry's term) in the character's 66-year history.

It's an assignment that will only increase Ms. Simone's profile. It's also the latest move by DC Comics to push Wonder Woman, the company's third-ranked hero, behind Superman and Batman, into the spotlight.

During a telephone interview from her home in Florence, Ore., Ms. Simone was effusive when discussing Wonder Woman. "She's just the best kind of person," she said. "She was a princess who didn't need someone to rescue her. I grew up in an era — and a family — where women's rights were very important, and the guys didn't tend to stick around too long. She was an amazing role model."

From early on, Ms. Simone said, she was an avid reader, her habit aided by unreliable television reception. The shows that made it through were "boring, or golf," she said. The first comic books she remembers came from opposite ends of the spectrum: wholesome Archie and the creepy House of Mystery.

"I was able to skip a lot of English classes by challenging the courses" and showing that she had already mastered the material, Ms. Simone said. One of her favorite classes was conducted during a teacher's free period. "He would assign me reading material like 'The Hobbit' and ask me to a write a story using that style and my own," she said. Ms. Simone graduated from high school when she was 16.

At the University of Oregon, which she attended for two years in the early 1980s, her majors were creative writing and theater. She credits the theater studies with improving her craft. "You had to know your character inside and out, from the time they were born, even if you were only playing five minutes of their lives," she said.

In 1999, during what she described as "a rough patch," she was advised to try something creative. She went down a list: "I can't draw. I can't really sew. Well, I used to write." This led her to create "Women in Refrigerators," an online chronicle of the suffering experienced by female comic-book characters. The site (unheardtaunts.com/wir) garnered attention, which led to a modestly paid humor column on comicbookresources.com, a Web site that was read by many industry professionals. Still, she didn't give up her day job.

"I was broke and starving and basically needed to figure out a way to make a living," she said. "Hairdressing was still a creative type of career." Growing up poor taught her to have a backup for artistic pursuits that would not earn her enough money.

In relatively short order she began writing The Simpsons for Bongo Comics, which led to the humor book "Killer Princesses" for Oni Press. That begat Marvel's Deadpool, about a wiseacre mutant mercenary, and Birds of Prey, an all-female team for DC Comics, which naturally led to an encounter with Wonder Woman. Ms. Simone said she enjoyed writing that character more that almost any other. Still, it was a challenge.

"Any time you take these characters that have been around for 50 or 60 years, especially when you come, as I did, from hairdressing, it's really daunting," she said.

Unlike Ms. Simone's relatively straightforward rise to the top, Wonder Woman's recent history has had some bumps. Her comic book was restarted last year by Allan Heinberg, a television writer best known at the time for "The OC" on Fox but who now works on "Grey's Anatomy" on ABC. But the five-part story line, which began in June 2006, was plagued by delays and only recently concluded in September as a special issue.

Next was Jodi Picoult, a top-selling novelist who contributed a five-part story line that was tied to a separate comic-book mini-series about an attack on the United States by Wonder Woman's people, the Amazons. The book shipped on time but shed some readers.

Despite the complaints, Ms. Simone believes that fans will better appreciate the spectacle and literary touches of Mr. Heinberg's and Ms. Picoult's stories in collected form. (The collected version of Ms. Picoult's story went on sale two weeks ago.)

Still, Ms. Simone acknowledges the frustrations of the delays and false starts. "It's really important to get some energy and velocity into the book," she said. "We plan on being on time."

Ms. Simone's first story line will involve a previously unmentioned attempt on Wonder Woman's life on the day of her birth, and is planned for four issues. It will be illustrated by the husband-and-wife team of Terry and Rachel Dodson and will be followed by a two-part story illustrated by another artist to allow the Dodsons to keep pace with the book's monthly publication cycle.

"We have the first year and the second year mapped," Ms. Simone said. "I plan on being around as long as they'll have me."